Respond to EJ's Blog, Gamer Grrl In Small Doses

[Admin]

The first volume of EJ's blogs are being published. Here is the cover of the forthcoming collection, "Gamer Grrl in Small Doses."

[Admin]

Mon Sep 15, 2008 6:16 am

Luz wrote:

How strange it is that I have not been here since February and yet I can tell most certainly that I have been away because logging into the forum engenders in me a feeling like coming home. School and family have carried me everywhere in the last months but I have never missed a Sunday blog. This recent blog (17 August) seemed to speak directly to me and I was thrilled to find the forum re-opened and EJ's invitation to return in my email.

I am at the young end of the generation that EJ speaks of in her entry "Breaking Dawn, Katy Perry and the Rape of the Inner Lilith." Though I am not an American, I am familiar with American pop culture as my American foster sister and best friend is an avid reader. She and I just recently had a long conversation about the politics of American sexuality and the Twilight books were high on the list of those discussed not because of "Breaking Dawn" but because of the seeming moral and spiritual deficit at which Bella seems to function, in so much as how she lives can be called functioning. To abdicate so much of oneself for another, including the setting aside of familial loyalty and honesty seems so alien to me but also ill advised in general.

I think EJ's blog will garner the ire of many a staunch supporter of the American First Amendment in the guise of the "it is just entertainment" excuse. But this is much like making the statement that it is fine to watch violent programing because no one was truly hurt. I think that young women flock to these books in the same way that people watch footage of natural disasters. Let us only hope that not all of them will aspire to such (low) ideals.

Luz

[Admin]

Mon Sep 15, 2008 6:17 am

AreaneCreator wrote:

Oh. Wow. Luz, this is *definitely* like coming home. How wonderful. I to have been reading every blog, and this particular piece has also been the topic of discussion here at Orchard House Press.

I've seen all of the pop culture moments EJ is talking about, and I agree with her completely. There is an intene epidemic here in America, where everyone seems to be oh so liberal but has this amazing discomfort and fear of talking about intimacy... and now we can see what is happening because of it. So many young women (and young men, for that matter) have no idea what options are available, how to respect each other, and even how things work. They are intensely curious about it, but they have no one to talk to. So they're turning to the media, who is running on this bizarre thread of what is politically correct (probably a product of the same unanswered curiosities) and it's being held up as "this is socially acceptable. This is how it should be. You should aspire to this, because everything else is awkward and unnatural and strange".

What kills me most about Breaking Dawn and Katy Perry and all these social stereotypes is not that there should never be S/M sex in a young adult book or that it is intensely offensive to refer to women as property, whether the singer is a man or a woman... it's that they exist because it's what people truly believe is acceptable. Is truth. How many young women in America think that it's not only okay and normal, but that you should *want* someone to give up your soul for? That you *want* to please so much you'll let yourself get hurt. How many young people seriously think that it's okay to experiment in the dark as long as you end up back in that realm of social acceptance? Let me tell you: way too freaking many.

I used to belong to a more innocent branch of this group. I didn't know half of the things EJ was talking about even existed until recently, though, out of fairness, I will admit that not only did I never ask about them or wonder about them, I found out just the other day that not even my mother knew about half these things. I called her to warn her not to let my 16 year old sister read the Twilight books, and had a heated discussion with her on this same topic, and while she totally agreed with me (being a very strong female character in my life, who immediately saw the offensive danger in how Bella is used), I had to tell explain a lot to her. This ignorance and system of social acceptance is ingrained in generations. Thank you, EJ, for speaking out about this. If we don't start doing something now, I can only see this mental epidemic getting worse and worse.

[Admin]

Mon Sep 15, 2008 6:17 am,

EJ wrote:

Luz and Launa,

Welcome home, my friends. Let me begin there. I have already talked to Jennifer and she plans to never have to close the forum for harvesting again. I missed all of you. So much.

I missed the world-building the the playful turf wars over tech and balance... but... I have to admit... I missed the public feedback about the blog as well. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am simply not a writer and sometimes I wonder if my readers are making my leaps with me :} I mean, there are currently 3893 subscribers... but are they reading? I sometimes wish I'd never put up the widget for email posts so that folks would have to ping the page and I could keep my eye on the counter LOL!

That all being said:

Last Sunday's blog was written for you. For both of you. Because you both are the demographic (at one end or the other) to which I'm speaking. Not gamers 18 to 25. I mean young people in general who, as both of you touched upon, are either spoon fed simplified ideas of what sexuality is and isn't, or force fed trash about what it honestly should never be in the first place.

It would be easy to say: It is a parent's responsibility to educate a young man or woman. But the truth is, I was twenty-five when I had some of my biggest questions answered (finally!) and it was a good friend of mine who provided the answers, not a parent. So... it was in that spirit that I wrote the blog. I hope someday to have the courage to speak openly and simply about sexuality and its place in religion in my blog... but for now, I hope that last Sunday's blog will be enough.

Thank you for sharing your own feelings about the essay. I always want this thread to be a place of discussion, not debate, but never just a place to pat me on the back

EJ

[Admin]

Sep 15, 2008 6:18 am

Luz wrote:

I think, EJ, that is why I like to post here about the blog. If someone wants to disagree with you, they can go to You Tubes and post ugly comments there for other people to get their aggression out. I come here to discuss. To take a blog's ideas the next step. I have always been so glad that there are not feedbacks on the blog page itself. I think this detracts from the essay and puts the focus on smaller minds who do not have the fortitude to write an entire essay themselves but rather feel it is appropriate to troll the Internet looking for comment buttons.

Launa, your thoughts were so perfectly to me the next step that I was looking for. I do not think that many people associate Bella's first time with Edward as S/M. I think they see it as "normal." In that, I am not saying that S/M is not normal, but rather that people see Bella and Edward's sex as average, everyday. It was not a planned power-play sexual encounter. It was not focused on pleasure/pain interplay. However, if you are hurting your lover enough to leave her bruised and the furniture in shambles, and she is enjoying it, than this is S/M nonetheless.

I sincerely wish that there were fewer sexually clumsy, ignorant, ill-informed people in the world. I also wish that they would stop writing novels.

Of course, this is just my opinion. Personally, I do not include sex in my fiction. But I think that is appropriate for a thirteen year old, no? ;D

Luz

[Admin]

On Mon Sep 15 2008 6:18 am

AreaneCreator wrote:

Exactly one of the points I was making, Luz. If you're going to have S/M sex, it should be planned. Or at least have a code of respect. I am afraid for a group of people or a country or anyone who honestly feels it is normal not to respect your partner. Because Edward, in the books, not only didn't know if she would be okay with rough sex, but a big part of the book is him refusing to sleep with her because he knew it would hurt her. That, to me, is disrespectful. That is the danger. Teaching men or women that they have no say in intimacy. That it is truly one sided. Because it isn't and it shouldn't be. Actually, I would think that you'd be missing something if it is.

It reminds me of the Celestials, actually. They can't have one-sided intimacy. Not really. Just like it takes both of them to create a child. This, to me, is a sign of ultimate respect in the Celestial society. Partners are called "partners" for a reason.

And Luz? I am almost 20 and I don't write explicit sex scenes either. While you're right that you probably shouldn't at 13 (though it seems you could do a scene better than a lot of other writers out there, LOL) I don't think it really has to do with age. Then again, you've proved that to me a lot before. That age doesn't matter one bit. Thank you for that

[Admin]

Mon Sep 15, 2008 6:18 am

EJ wrote:

You know, ladies, I'm not sure I knew this blog would start such a fascinating conversation but I'm certainly glad it did.

Launa, something you just posted here got me thinking. This idea of one-sided intimacy. Now this is a flashpoint topic, certainly. The Celestials are *built* unable to engage in this. You are fully with your partner. There's no faking Intimate Form. One might even argue that a Celestial not only has to be fully present and engaged physically but mentally as well because if he or she wasn't, his/her partner would *know* instantly. Or maybe he/she wouldn't be able to shift into Intimate Form in the first place.

This, of course, comes down to power play and exchange of power. Is it sex or making love? Sex is an act, a thing to do. Making love is an equal exchange. It is not: I do to you. It is: We do together. And this can truly go both ways. I mean, my last blog might make some think I'm fixating on the Bella side of things. But I have enough guy friends to have heard the, "She just *lays* there!" argument. It really all does come down to education. If you buy into polite society that "missionary position" standard intercourse is the only God-accepted version of intimacy... well... then yeah, she's gonna just lay there and it's gonna be pretty darn one-sided. But, as any Terrapyre will tell you (loudly): Then why did God make our bodies so awesome?! Cuz they are not made so intricately for us to all be so bored we can balance our check books not just after but during.

On this topic, Celestials and Terrapyres agree. Intimacy is important, vital, and should be creative, engaging and two-sided. Nuf said

EJ

[Admin]

Mon Sep 15, 2008 6:19 am

Luz wrote:

EJ, I do think that I could go on and on on this topic of what is religiously acceptable sexual relations but that is perhaps best saved for a more debate-style bb. I certainly do not want your beautiful blog thread to be taken over with just this topic.

Here in my household we call your Sunday, 24 August blog The Olive Tree blog. It sparked much conversation here because, as you know, we are not a religious household but rather see science has the hand of God. The connections between the natural world, the human body, and the ways we choose to find faith and understanding in our universe and in each other are eternally linked. Thank you for being a Christian blogger who speaks to all of us.

(Estella loves your poetry, so you know. )

Luz

[Admin]

Mon Sep 15, 2008 6:20 am

LaughingClown wrote:

I've also been keeping up with your blog, EJ, and every week found myself more impressed. As a young woman, you've always had strong beliefs and clear ideas about the world, this has remained unchanged, but your skill as a writer has grown exponentially. It's been inspirational to watch.

I'm glad to be back among friends. I hope we can find a way that the forum can stay up even during sourcebook updates.

Eric

[Admin]

Mon Sep 15, 2008 6:20 am

EJ Angel wrote:

Welcome back, Eric. Just a fyi... the last time we saw each other you could get away with calling me a "young woman." I was a teenager. But now? Hm. Not so much, big guy ;P

LOL!

EJ

[Admin]

Mon Sep 15, 2008 6:21 am

MG wrote:

Interesting blog, as always.

I won't reiterate what Luz an Launa have already so eloquently put, but largely I agree with them. I'm kind of disgusted that so many teenage kids are raving about how INCREDIBLE it is. If these sort of things are in a young adult book, it's on my crossed-off list. I don't care how "great" it's supposed to be.

We're baaaaaaaack!!!!

[Admin]

Mon Sep 15, 2008 6:21 am

EJ wrote:

I hear ya, Abbie. I'm not one for censoring books (in theory LOL!) but this is a dangerous mix for the demographic it's intended for.

Great (again!) to have you back, grrl

EJ

[Admin]

Sun Sep 21, 2008 7:13 am

Luz wrote:

September 14 Blog

I am somewhat embarrassed to admit that until this last week, I had never read "The Art of War." Though Estella's copy is so dog-earred and battered and stained with grass and coffee and clay that I think, even now that I've finished it, I may have missed key elements beneath the grime.

It was indeed very curious how many aspects of life can be dissected by these "arts," EJ. Thank you for bringing the book to my attention as something more than the military text my sister has long toughted.

Once again? A thought-provoking blog.

Luz

[Admin]

Mon Sep 22, 2008 5:36 am

Harley wrote:

I'm brand new Angel's blog and have been slowly catching myself up. I thought I'd hold off on commenting until I was all caught up with everyone else but I just have to comment on today's essay. I was blown away. It was lryical and incredibly romantic. I've read it maybe ten times, it's so visual and rich. Is there any chance we can get a translation of the title and poem? I assume they're in Celestial?

Harley

[Admin]

Mon Sep 22, 2008 8:48 am

Pip wrote:

Angel...grrl, that was gorgeous. I thought first it was just sexy to catch attention. Romantic and poetic. Then it was like this one-two punch. Pride stopping us from changing our minds? Fear also I guess. And that idea of why do we carry a burden: To be seen in God's eyes and our own eyes, or to be seen by the whole world? Why do we do what we do?

I've read your blog since when it was just light and fluffy. Lots of times I felt you were talking to me. But this one more than any other really got in. I think I may like you smexy even more than I like you indignant.

Pip